DO YOU WANT TO IMPROVE YOUR ENGLISH? (3)
发表于 : 周四 10月 27, 2011 2:10 pm
DO YOU WANT TO IMPROVE YOUR ENGLISH? (3)
Write in English to Uncle Leung in this forum or 860439492@qq.com. Anything that can identify you will be left out before your letter is posted with Uncle Leung's comments. You may make mistakes. But Uncle Leung will help you learn from your mistakes and give you suggestions on how you can improve your English.
Below is a letter from a New Twinkle Star to his/her Star Father. The letter is well organized with an introduction of the New Star and a brief account of the New Star’s university life. See how the letter can be rewritten in clear English.
Comments of Uncle Leung:
1. The area where there is a mistake is underlined.
2. The area where a word/phrase is missing is indicated with ‘ /\ ’.
3. * = the word/phrase is well used. Do it again.
4. Corrections are in red.
5. I rewrite the letter in clear English in blue.
A letter from New Star:
/\ Star dad:
How are you?* I'm New Star, now studying in wuyi university , engineering management specialty. (1) I am now in the class of the vice President, as is to join the self-discipline committee department. (This sentence needs to be rewritten in clear English.) /\ Always thought (2) university /\ is very relaxed, (3) now /\ understand that only /\ actively participate in* various activities /\ to better training.(4) Although the oneself still have a lot of things /\ don't know, but I'll try hard! (5) I and the class classmates is also very good /\! My college life* can be passed so wonderful, because of the you these people often help that makes me the peace of mind reading, thank you very much.
Finally, I wish you good health* , /\ success in work. Love you very much.
/\
Can you correct the mistakes? Try before you go to Uncle Leung's suggestions and comments underneath.
Dear Star Dad:
How are you? I'm New Star, now studying in Wuyi University. My major is Engineering Management. (1) I am now the Vice Monitor of the class, and I'm going to be a member of the Self-discipline Committee of my Department. (Or: … and I have also been elected/appointed as member of the Self-discipline Committee of my Department.) I used to think (2) university life was very relaxing. (3) But now I understand that only through active participation in various activities can I get better training. (4) As there are still a lot of things that I don't know, I'll try hard! (5) I and the class classmates are also very good friends! My college life can be so wonderful because of you. Your help gives me peace of mind so that I can study. Thank you very much.
Finally, I wish you good health and success in work. I love you very much.
New Star (6)
Comments
(1) Use capital letter to begin a proper noun or proper name.
(2) 'I used to think…’ = I thought … in the past, but I don’t think so now.
Example: I used to smoke a lot. (That means I smoked a lot in the past, but I don’t smoke a lot now.)
(3) X is relaxing = X can make people feel relaxed.
I am/feel relaxed = I feel relaxed because of something relaxing.
Words like: interested/interesting, excited/exciting, irritated/irritating, embarrassed/embarrassing, etc. are used in the
same way.
Example: That book is very interesting, but I am more interested in this book.
(4) 'Only through active participation in various activities can I get better training' is a stronger way of saying:‘Through
active participation in various activities, I can get better training.’ We call this inversion. It is written in this way:
'only + a noun phrase + can + noun + verb
Example: Only with your help can I pursue my studies in university.
(5) 'Although’ is a conjunction linking two sentences with the meaning: 雖然…但是…
Example: (a) Although I am ugly, I am kind-hearted. (Correct)
(b) Although I am ugly, but I am kind-hearted. (Wrong)
Sentence (b) is a combination of two sentences. But only one conjunction is needed to join two sentences into one.
As ‘although’ and ‘but’ are conjunctions, using both would be one conjunction too many. So (b) is wrong. Don't
use ‘although’ and ‘but’ together to join two sentences, although it is correct to do so in Chinese.
(6) Don't forget to end with your name. It's impolite to keep people guessing who the writer is.
(7) Next time, I suggest you tell Star Dad more about your family, your likes and dislikes, interesting things that amuse you and problems that worry you. You can also exchange photos with your Star Dad, and ask him to tell you something about himself.
To let the ideas flow more smoothly in clear English, the letter can be written in this way:
Dear Star Dad,
How are you? I'm New Star. Thank you very much for helping me to pay for my living expenses in Wuyi University, where I am studying the degree course of Engineering Management.
Let me tell you something about my university life. I am a Vice Class Monitor and I'm going to be a member of the Self-discipline Committee of my Department. I used to think university life was very relaxing. But now I understand that only through active participation in various activities can one get better training. Although my life has become very busy as a result of the activities I have joined, I need to work harder still because there are a lot of things that I don't know.
Another joy in my university life is, although we have only been together for about 2 months, I and my class classmates have already become great friends!
Thank you very much again. Without your financial support, I can't concentrate on my studies and enjoy my college life.
I wish you health and every success.
Yours truly,
New Star
Write to Uncle Leung if you have any other questions.
Write in English to Uncle Leung in this forum or 860439492@qq.com. Anything that can identify you will be left out before your letter is posted with Uncle Leung's comments. You may make mistakes. But Uncle Leung will help you learn from your mistakes and give you suggestions on how you can improve your English.
Below is a letter from a New Twinkle Star to his/her Star Father. The letter is well organized with an introduction of the New Star and a brief account of the New Star’s university life. See how the letter can be rewritten in clear English.
Comments of Uncle Leung:
1. The area where there is a mistake is underlined.
2. The area where a word/phrase is missing is indicated with ‘ /\ ’.
3. * = the word/phrase is well used. Do it again.
4. Corrections are in red.
5. I rewrite the letter in clear English in blue.
A letter from New Star:
/\ Star dad:
How are you?* I'm New Star, now studying in wuyi university , engineering management specialty. (1) I am now in the class of the vice President, as is to join the self-discipline committee department. (This sentence needs to be rewritten in clear English.) /\ Always thought (2) university /\ is very relaxed, (3) now /\ understand that only /\ actively participate in* various activities /\ to better training.(4) Although the oneself still have a lot of things /\ don't know, but I'll try hard! (5) I and the class classmates is also very good /\! My college life* can be passed so wonderful, because of the you these people often help that makes me the peace of mind reading, thank you very much.
Finally, I wish you good health* , /\ success in work. Love you very much.
/\
Can you correct the mistakes? Try before you go to Uncle Leung's suggestions and comments underneath.
Dear Star Dad:
How are you? I'm New Star, now studying in Wuyi University. My major is Engineering Management. (1) I am now the Vice Monitor of the class, and I'm going to be a member of the Self-discipline Committee of my Department. (Or: … and I have also been elected/appointed as member of the Self-discipline Committee of my Department.) I used to think (2) university life was very relaxing. (3) But now I understand that only through active participation in various activities can I get better training. (4) As there are still a lot of things that I don't know, I'll try hard! (5) I and the class classmates are also very good friends! My college life can be so wonderful because of you. Your help gives me peace of mind so that I can study. Thank you very much.
Finally, I wish you good health and success in work. I love you very much.
New Star (6)
Comments
(1) Use capital letter to begin a proper noun or proper name.
(2) 'I used to think…’ = I thought … in the past, but I don’t think so now.
Example: I used to smoke a lot. (That means I smoked a lot in the past, but I don’t smoke a lot now.)
(3) X is relaxing = X can make people feel relaxed.
I am/feel relaxed = I feel relaxed because of something relaxing.
Words like: interested/interesting, excited/exciting, irritated/irritating, embarrassed/embarrassing, etc. are used in the
same way.
Example: That book is very interesting, but I am more interested in this book.
(4) 'Only through active participation in various activities can I get better training' is a stronger way of saying:‘Through
active participation in various activities, I can get better training.’ We call this inversion. It is written in this way:
'only + a noun phrase + can + noun + verb
Example: Only with your help can I pursue my studies in university.
(5) 'Although’ is a conjunction linking two sentences with the meaning: 雖然…但是…
Example: (a) Although I am ugly, I am kind-hearted. (Correct)
(b) Although I am ugly, but I am kind-hearted. (Wrong)
Sentence (b) is a combination of two sentences. But only one conjunction is needed to join two sentences into one.
As ‘although’ and ‘but’ are conjunctions, using both would be one conjunction too many. So (b) is wrong. Don't
use ‘although’ and ‘but’ together to join two sentences, although it is correct to do so in Chinese.
(6) Don't forget to end with your name. It's impolite to keep people guessing who the writer is.
(7) Next time, I suggest you tell Star Dad more about your family, your likes and dislikes, interesting things that amuse you and problems that worry you. You can also exchange photos with your Star Dad, and ask him to tell you something about himself.
To let the ideas flow more smoothly in clear English, the letter can be written in this way:
Dear Star Dad,
How are you? I'm New Star. Thank you very much for helping me to pay for my living expenses in Wuyi University, where I am studying the degree course of Engineering Management.
Let me tell you something about my university life. I am a Vice Class Monitor and I'm going to be a member of the Self-discipline Committee of my Department. I used to think university life was very relaxing. But now I understand that only through active participation in various activities can one get better training. Although my life has become very busy as a result of the activities I have joined, I need to work harder still because there are a lot of things that I don't know.
Another joy in my university life is, although we have only been together for about 2 months, I and my class classmates have already become great friends!
Thank you very much again. Without your financial support, I can't concentrate on my studies and enjoy my college life.
I wish you health and every success.
Yours truly,
New Star
Write to Uncle Leung if you have any other questions.
